Eyes Opened

   I dreamed that people actually read this blog, people who I never would have expected would. I think this blog's important for just me but it's cool to think that anyone else would read it!
   This morning I took my "temporarily" disabled friend Leah to the store and it was an adventure. For her Accessible Recreation class, she had to spend 4 hours in a wheelchair and was advised to do anything that might open her eyes to the issues that people confined to wheelchairs are faced with every day. So we went to the store before our Risk Management class. It was somewhat funny that she couldn't get into her apartment; the only way in was up stairs and it was too much of a hassle. So I took her groceries in for her.      After class, we went through the library and to the greenhouse. I have been wanting her to see it and we wanted to see how accessible it was, though I was already thinking of how difficult it was going to be. We had to go around to a back door and a fellow had to open it from the inside. We had to get the wheelchair over a big curb and inside the greenhouse, it was really hard to maneuver it. I was enlightened, too, about how we had to think of if she would be able to get the wheelchair from point A to B if we went a certain way.
   On our way to return the wheelchair, we attempted to ride it together down the shallow decline from the Benson building to the Romney. I sat on her lap and as soon as I did, I knew it would be more awkward than fun. She couldn't see around me and I had to hold myself on her lap lest I slip off and get rolled over. It gave us a good laugh though, and I'm glad we gave it a go. I did step on the back of the chair and ride it fast down the sidewalk with her though it wasn't easy to steer. (I admit to not being the safest driver whether I'm in a car, on a bike or steering a wheelchair.)
 I was amazed at how kind people were to Leah, how helpful they would be without smiling or saying a word most of the time. It was as if they had an undeniable obligation to help her, even while they wouldn't think twice about being as kind to people who they perceive as capable enough to do those tasks for themselves. Leah pointed out a profound point though, that most disabilities are "inside" of us and I said that we should be as kind to everyone, no matter what we can see and know about them. It can be hard to do, especially when people who are capable often deny help and I realized that those with more obvious disabilities are perhaps more aware of the need for kindness and patience and so it's easier to help them because we know more or less that they will be receptive and grateful for it. The more we have, the less we hold onto it; the less we have, the more tenaciously we cling to it.     

Pain Comes With Goodness

   My life is beautiful. I am struggling a whole lot but there is so much that I am overwhelmingly grateful for. I am thoroughly enjoying spontaneity with people who matter a whole lot. Yesterday, I went with my lovely friend Leah to volunteer at a therapeutic horse ranch early in the morning before our Risk Management class. We helped a little girl by keeping her steady (we walked with her and the horse, keeping her legs pushed against the horse) as she rode the horse and did some simple activities. It felt so pleasant to be there with that sweet girl and those wonderful animals. Later as I walked through the Manwaring Center on BYU-Idaho campus and after I had bought myself a delicious turkey and pepperjack cheese bagel, I "found" a girl I know and it happened to be her birthday. She was telling everyone about it, just for kicks. I asked, as I sat by her, if she wanted a bite of my bagel sandwich and happily she said yes and had a few bites (she had a first bite and said she'd have another after a while and I gave her the last of it after I'd eaten most of it) and I was so happy that she let me share! (I get quite embarrassed when I offer something to someone and they say no.) In the evening, -after my ward's last get together for the semester- my fantastically crazy friend Courtney convinced me to go to a drive-in theater on a whim, 10 minutes before the movie began and we even stopped for snow cones on the way (she had one called pink sour and mine was coconut and pomegranite, yum!) We watched "BRAVE" and it was brilliant. I sat on the roof of my car while she and our friend Luna who came with us sat in the front seats. There was lightning in the far distant sky and a perfectly pleasant breeze. It was a good first drive-in theater experience.
  Today, I found a long lost item and even though it wasn't important and came over a month too late, it was a warming feeling to find a missing part of me ( I really treasure my possessions, no matter how small or seemingly unimportant; I remember just about every item I have ever lost that meant anything to me, in fact currently I am missing a small, painted, metal good luck turtle; I mostly miss it because it was a gift; he'll turn up someday, I'm sure.) Today was full of more goodness, such as the fact that I found a new journal (I just finished my most recent one) that when I see it and hold it, I feel inspired and hopeful and I have chatted with so many pleasant people. I have had good food to eat and my mother called to tell me about my dad's job and how Hannah was able to go on a half-day ride and how they (my mom, Hannah and my dad) have all been involved with the business. She wanted to tell me as well about how involved I can become and I my heart thrills at the idea. I am so hopeful, and I know that hoping for things has broken me many many times but this time feels right. There is too much good in life to waste precious time on brooding over the unpleasant things.